Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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