You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
