dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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