just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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