and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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