It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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