guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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