I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
