I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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