stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
