i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
