Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize