The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize