omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
