i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize