Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
