Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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