using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
