Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
