everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize