you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We need to get me chipped asap
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
