Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
