I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
