the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
