I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
