Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
