you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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