he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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