Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
