Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
