So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize