Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
