My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
