i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
