I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
