Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
