so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to make out with him forever
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
