I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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