I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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