A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
