I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
