I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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