I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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