You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
