yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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