whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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