So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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