U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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