Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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