And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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