Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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