this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
