Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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