I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
