It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
