He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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