k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
