I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize