if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
