I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
