what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
