Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
