So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
