What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
