Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
