you have to choose: penises or morals?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize