wat bout pragnant strippers??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
