oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
