And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
