Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
