Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
