Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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