Welp...herpes.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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