Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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