On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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