I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize