Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize