he wants to bone in the snuggie
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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