So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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