You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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