Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
