no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
