U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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