and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
