shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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