i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
