So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
