Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
