Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
