Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
