dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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