I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
