she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
