the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize