Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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