i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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