Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
