How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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