I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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